* As I've mentioned, my sister has decided to put her crazy into baking. This means yesterday when she answered the phone, she said, "Hard. To. Talk. Bananas. On. Hands!" leading to shardkin giving her her new mob nickname, Melissa Bananahands.

* Got to hang a little with her yesterday. She now wants to make jambalaya with me and is determined to tackle Paula Deen's Savannah High Apple Pie with me. This requires 24 apples. The joke has been she can come over to cook if it's WINTERAPOCOLYPSE as we're three blocks away. This had led us to speculate that she would have a cask of coffee around her neck like a St. Bernard and that she would carry the apples in her throat somehow and then reguritate them for baking in a Jennifer's Body like scenerio.

* Last night took Mothra to Colonial Kitchen Dinner. The look of utter panic on my sister's face when she realized what she was in for (a low key renaissance faire like setting) was awesome. I was like, Do you need to call someone about this? But as usual, she got totally into it. She was offended that "Abraham Lincoln rejected her advances" and made friends with the musicians. The "pye" was really good, the beef soup was really good, the warm apple wine was really good, and the desserts were good. I must be eating less now. I can only eat half a bowl of ramen at the noodle gourmet and I could only eat half my dinner and a few tiny nibbles of my dessert.

* I am finishing the last bit of geeksdoitbetter's roving. shardkin and I ordered some Blue Face Leicester from Louet. geeksdoitbetter has been v. patient explaining stuff to me. My next purchase will likely be a swift and then a starter set of dyes. I'm contemplating attempting 3-ply yarn. My spinning is improving. I think by like April, I should be competent enough to know how to skein it, measure the yards, and possibly dye my own (the last is a stretch but I live in hope).

* arxacies started sleeping in his new place on Sunday night. It's a little weird and at times anxious making for all parties involved, but so far (on day 3 ;p) the transition to non-cohabitating romantic partner seems to be going well. His roommates are nice, he's getting settled.

I don't know if I've ever shared this with you all, gentle readers, but unless I am feeling comfortable in my surroundings, feeling hot, and feeling a really good vibe from the other person where I can be all witty and touchy and shit, my flirtation skills go something like this:

OMG! OMFG! I LIKE ZIR! WHAT DO I DO! I KNOW! I WILL EXHIBIT MY OBVIOUS INTEREST BY FREEZING UP LIKE A DEER IN A HEADLIGHT, IGNORE ZIR AND ACT TWITCHY AND TENSE AROUND ZIR! I WILL BE UNABLE TO MAKE WITTY BANTER OR REPLY TO THEIR WITTY BANTER WHICH COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE MISTAKEN FOR DISINTEREST! NAY, THAT WILL SHOW MY DESPERATE INFATUATION! GOOD TALK!

Yeah. I flirt way better with a couple martinis in me or if it's a friend of a friend in a comfortable situation.

The more you know!

I will be dumping sharing my 10K Regency Romantica story for you all either on Fri or Mon because I need to get this show on the road.

If you're not on my beta filter and would like to be, drop a note!

((Btw, I'm still behind in my emails, I'm trying to get caught up!))

So. I've fucked around with the idea of owning a witch shop or a coffeehouse for quite some time. Since . . . like, 20? I kind of put both away for a while once I was about 25 to be taken out again on occasion. There was recently a heady group daydream of a coffeehouse during a trip to Van Gough's Ear because we're the tail end of Gen X and it was our culture and we miss it. Starbucks, while most of us have caved to their siren song, is still not the same in terms of social culture. But once you start talking nuuuuuuuuuumbers and savvvvvvvvings it gets to be a drag since most of us are scraping by.

shardkin and I took a mini break to the pocanos a while back and we found a tiny witch store and got all excited because we were in the boonies but *man* was it a hot mess. And more and more brick and mortar stores keep closing down (Aphrodesia, Gypsy Haven) which is disheartening and depressing. So we of course started day dreaming about what *our* store would look like. And then we started talking nuuuuuuuuuuuumbers and savvvvvvvvvvvvvvings and the failboat that this economy is and promptly put it away except to occasionally daydream about it.

Flashfoward to two nights ago! I had a dream that we were a traveling curio shop and were vending an event and I saw how beautiful our shop was set up and actually figured out what to do with a few things (like yarnlets, believe it or not). I woke up and told Jow about it. And we started figuring out inventory (hand made, eco-friendly whenever possible, supporting small business whenever possible, local whenever possible, etc., etc.) and where we could vend and what we wanted to vend. And . . .like, five years from now (maybe three?) when we have new flooring and things are pretty set in the house and we have some savings, and we've gotten even better at our respective crafts, we could take it on the road. To indie craft shows, to cons, to festivals, all sorts of things. And we could have different wares and services (which we'd want to offer too) in different places. Vending isn't cheap, but it's not impossible either.

So we're pretty excited about this and are currently working towards this. We're going to call it: Trevia: The Traveling Curio Shop.

* Made chicken stock, made short ribs, made waffles, baked bread, and roasted a pumpkin.

* shardkin attempted to put up the pot rack, we learned that our house is built weird and we're going to hire someone for it.

* We then put up curtains, cleaned bedroom, framed pictures, changed bedding, cleaned couch cover, visited Mom and Lis and contemplated a new cottage industry for a few years from now.

Me: Now I know why grown ups are tired.
Jow: I'm ready for bed.
Me: It's six o'clock.

Now spinning yarn* and millionaire matchmaker!

Me: So, I've been spinning yarn.
Mothra (feigns interest): Mmm-hmmm.
Me: But I'm still learning, so I make these tiny balls of yarns, like yarnlets. And the yarn is brown so--
(Mothra looks visually excited)
Me & Mothra: It looks like tribbles!

After reading an article on how we need to protect our pwerious polyamory from the Horrible Swary Mainstream, I've realize: I am so over the subculture police. I was over it in paganism (*gasp!* Wiccans on tv! The movie The Craft is Wrong!), I was over it in steampunk (OMG Hot Topic likes steampunk! DISASTER!), and now I'm over it in poly.

People, nothing you're doing in any of these subcultures is all that exciting. So your mom now has an inkling about your religion, so what. So your friend slapped some gaters onto her skirt and put some goggles on her head and went to a goth club that way, so what. So your friends want to try a different relationship model that could make their lives messy, so what. It happens in mono all the time (Dane Cook: "Let's wait five years and then end this relationship violently."). Is your life seriously that boring that you care that much that other people obvs think something you do is cool and/or interesting and would like to try it out themselves? So they're doing it wrong. Um, guess what, everyone remembers that first dumbass spell you did, the first woke up in bed with two other people and freaked, and that disaster you called your first steampunk "outfit".

Whatever. Get over it. Get a hobby. Start spinning yarn or something.

< /soapbox>

Last night:

Me: Put on table, please.
Jow: No.
Me: Put. On. Table.
Jow: No.
Me: How dare you! I'm the Empress of Cocktail-Land! Put! On! Table!
Jow: You're merely a figurehead.
Me (hisses): You take that back.

. . . this is all in reference to a small plate, so you can appreciate the grandiosity of the situation.


God, I don't know what it is, but I have zero willpower for work. Like, work at work, the idea of doing any actual work at home (unfun chores, making dollies, or writing). I want to make dinner and like nine million Madelines to shove down my maw washed down with wine and ice cream ending with a Mr. Gouda (three year aged Gouda) orgasm and watch like 12 hours of Lifetime movies about Teens Gone Wrong will spinning like 50 yards of yarn.

What? Surely I can't be the only one with these unholy desires.

When I am feeling exhausted or having a shitty day, these are my preferred tv viewing:

* Little Miss Perfect (child beauty pagent)
* Intervention
* Celeb Rehab
* Teen Mom
* 16 and Pregnant
* Hoarders

When one is staring down the spiral of all of that mess, it's *impossible* not to feel awesome about yourself.

I think I'm exhausted, like Hollywood exhausted. Ever since coming back from Arisia I've been working OT, putting out a million tiny (and not so tiny) fires (AHHHHHHHH! Your car doesn't have oil any more! AHHHHHHHHHHH! Computer emergency with Mothra/Melissa. AHHHHHHHHHH! [delete]'s husband has cancer! AHHHHHHHHHH! [deleted]'s mom died (also of cancer!) AHHHHHHHHHH! [deleted] is fighting with [alsodeleted] and [alsodeleted] doesn't know it . . .yet! AHHHHHHHHHH! Run a million errands! AHHHHHHHHHH! Figure out your travel plans! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You're a bridesmaid! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Your story needs massive work!).

I'm done. I'm burned out. Tonight I will be indulging in all my dark desires and probably Sat too and then Sun I will attempt to get a "normal" (HAHAHAHAHA) schedule going with housework, cooking, crafting, writing, and exercise.

We'll see.

dossy as usual completely rocks out. We had a conversation in the beginning of our collab on the website where he was like, are you sure you don't want a blog? You're prolly gonna want one. And me being like, psssht. Blogs are for chumps.

Sure enough, I want a blog. dossy, being a gentleman, didn't comment on my predictable fickleness past saying that's why my site is built in WordPress.

So my "work" blog is about my works in progress. I syndicated it here (again, because dossy is awesome) debmcastellano . I don't expect to be prolific there really, but it's going to be a blog focused as the title indicates, on my works in progress.

Tweet! Tweet!

• I'm a RAINN Maker! rainnmakers.rainn.org/deborahmcastellano #
• So I read Cleaving, which is Julie Powell's follow up memoir (Julie/Julia Project) and all the really naughty bits can be found online #
• through various reviewers who were all *gasp!* How dare you be naughty and do naughty things and then not be SORRY about it! #
• How dare you not offer us a neatly tied up ending where you either get a divorce or went through marriage counseling and saw the light #
• and now are super sorry and super devoted? How dare you be a butcher since it's trendy to be a butcher now! #
• I'm like, jesus people. Give the poor woman a break. I do agree with Jezabel, that it doesn't sound like the most ideal open marriage #
• But honestly, like it or not, that's often where poly/swinging starts - by making mistakes. A lot of them. I don't like that she's supposed #
• to be penatent or that she's supposed to resemble a real life Nora Ephron character instead of a real life person. #
• I like the pictures of her, she's a little zaftig and she looks at the camera challengingly. I want to perfect that look, personally. #
• I actually enjoyed reading her book and her fumbling to figure out what she wants because again, guess what, that's life. I liked that she #
• goes after what she wants. I like how honest she is about her problems. I don't know. She seems like someone I'd be friends with. #
• I just respect her honesty. I wouldn't want my life personally to get quite so . . .messy, but I respect that she was willing to. #
• Being snowed in for the weekend is looking increasingly more likely. I think I need the break. I've been hitting the ground running since #
• Arisia and it's been one small kitchen fire after another to put out and it's exhausting. #
• I saw James' new place yesterday, it's v. nice. #
• I'm looking forward to being warm and cozy in our condo this weekend. Spinning yarn. Sewing dollies. Writing. Cooking. Baking. #
• Watching bad telly. Mixing cocktails. #
• My tummy has been off lately, I think it's stress. #
• I love that in our condo it's always warm and toasty (and affordable to keep it that way). I can even let my hair air dry in the winter. #
• I'm day dreaming about what to make for dinner. I haven't fully decided yet. #
• Maybe chicken paprika. #
• I got the bracelet helper thingie. I can now get my bracelet on in approx 3 minutes, which isn't bad. #
• I &lt;3 my Brumbys so hard. They are honestly just as good as Uggs #
• Just as warm, just as high quality and at $30 on sale, I can buy a new pair yearly. #
• I started writing down all my misc expenses for this month (I bought roving, v-day gifts, etc.) to keep better track of my disposible income #

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Poll #1521687 RAINN Fundraiser?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

I am contemplating doing an auction here on my lj, saveours00j-style with similiar rules to benefit RAINN. There would be one journal entry and people would put the items for bid in the comments and the bids in the comments and the auction would be for one week. People could donate items for auction or bid on things and all proceeds would go to RAINN. What do you think?

Last year was really rough on people that I knew personally on some level or another. The majority of my charitable efforts went to donating to paying it forward. So far this year, gods willing, people I know seem steadier on their feet.

I would like to get back to raising money for RAINN. I had a great start with ...my annual fund raising dinner with the Amethyst Circle of Sisters and I plan on having more events as well as crafts and writing efforts going directly to RAINN. If you would like to contribute towards my goal, or just keep up with what I'm doing, please check out my RAINNmaker webpage.

I totally agree with yuki_onna's points about the whole Amazon/Macmillan clusterfuck.

My .02, as posted in comments:


I am completely with you on all of this.

And honestly, even if your story is tiny and through an e-publisher like one of mine is, it *still* gets more help than if you were on your own. I have a writing partner and beta readers, but they are not professional copy editors, my friend.

And even after having everyone have a look see, my e-book editior caught a bunch of stuff (like, if I said "she felt" any more, I personally should be made out of felt) and in fact was more zealous and helpful with input than my Larger Publisher publication. My e-publisher also gave me access to websites which I could not afford on my own to pick out cover art that they legitamately had the rights to as well as an artist to fix it up.

I could never afford a professional copy editor, I know a couple of them and they're trying to make a living too. Ditto for cover design. Not even for a short story e-book could I do this in a professional manner on my own.

And, like it or not, being published by a third party still carries more weight then self publishing. Sorry, sad but true. Even, again, by a teeny tiny e-publisher it counts for more, *especially* as a newly being published writer, it means someone else in the biz believed in your work.

I purposely picked a genre where you don't *need* an agent to get started (because, ugh, pressure about being asked out to the prom), and it's also a genre I enjoy. This was a personal decision. But if I ever want to see any money out of this and if I want to be able to do this in a serious professional manner, I need to keep making sales. I have a plan. And frankly none of the plan includes self-publishing and nor do I want it to.

((I like the idea of crowdfunding, don't get me wrong, and I like the idea* of having full creative control, but having my feet a bit more wet than the last time you and I spoke, I agree with the needing a staff and omg I can't afford one))


* = Again, in theory. I, like all artistes, like the *idea* that obvs, anything I think of *must* be genius so fuck off and let me do this thing, but I also am sensible enough to know that's like the worst idea ever.

I am looking for more Jennifer's Body icons. I have not had much luck finding screencaps and such. I am looking for more of Jennifer smiling bloodily and Needy's bitch face, etc., etc. ideally with quotes from the movie.

( Quotes )

Me: Bosslady is like OMG TECHNOLOGY LINKEDIN ((professional facebook basically))YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And I'm like, omfg Bosslady! I've been doing this for you for two placements! I don't know, she went to some meeting where this apparently finally clicked even though I've had the same fucking conversation about it with her like nine times about it.

James: Wow. That's a lot of enthusiasm. LIke srsly

me: She's a recruiter. That's how they get crazy. Crazy and manic because it's sort of like sales. Thank god she finally left to chase butterflies or whatever. Imagine my omfg (politely) part of the conversation with me pressing my eyeballs in with my fingers to keep them from exploding.

Jow: and now she values you even more.

me: Yeah. I'm like I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS AWESOME THING FOR YOU FOR MONTHS RRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH - oh just forget it. I'm awesome, thanks.

Tweet! Tweet!

• I kind of like tweeting right before my tweets get shipped to lj, it adds excitement and urgency to my twitting. #
• So, yesterday sucked for a wide myraid of reasons. It was, as we used to say in my old company, a red pill day #
• which refers to an inside joke that I will share if asked, not the Matrix. #
• But there was pizza and April which did not suck. And I spun yarn which is where I am currently putting my crazy. #
• After the Xmas Scrapbooking Incident, my sis decided to take me more seriously about finding a place to put her crazy. #
• She has been cooking & baking like whoa! I am going to pretend it's from the cookbook I gave her two xmases ago and take credit for it. ;p #
• She made Miss Martha cupcakes from scratch which I am hella impressed with. #
• She called me yesterday all excited she found a hotdog on a stick in Anchorage. #
• I've been trying to figure out how to obtain James' V-day present and have finally settled on a solution which will require a minor #
• road trip with Miss April. #
• I'm kind of secretly hoping to be snowed in for some of the weekend, there I said it. Then I am forced to putter around the house. #
• I've just been so crazy busy lately, I think it's why my dreams have been so psycho. #
• Today james is taking me to the noodle gourmet which I am tres yay about! I'm going to see his new place. He's almost done moving out. #
• James: ::recounts unhappy political exchange on the intertubes::
  Deb: It's why I don't talk to people. #
• Ani was awesome. She didn't play much that I knew (Fuel, Both Hands, 32 Flavors) and usually that's when I go to Taihiti in a concert #
• but I actually really enjoyed the music I didn't know. She's just so beautiful and alive and vibrant. I love watching her move #
• and her voice is just so gorgeous. I feel like I can relate again to where she is with her music - a little older, a little wiser, #
• a little more sad, a little more tired, but hasn't lost the will to live. #
• She's also v. funny. Someone screamed that he loved her and she was like, I love you too! She's like, it's a strange kind of love we have #
• but it works. I go, ::starts pounding on her guitar::: AHHHHHHHHHHH! And you go, YAAAAAAAY! And it fits together. #
• She had four guitars that she was constantly changing out, like sushi boats going around as she said. #
• I started w an additional iron supplement, I've just been so tired lately & nothing has been working. I think the iron is starting to help. #
• Jow has two interviews for Operation Get Jow a New Job. He also bruised his back after taking a fall on ice when he was helping James move. #

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So I was on some kind of grove field trip and my sister was with me. We went to some wild hotel parties like at Arisia and I kissed a few boys.

The next day we went to an open air India like market but v. modern. I had my hello kitty back pack with me and I had three tiny snakes - Hope, Faith, and Hospitality. My sister and I were to find another snake for the scavenger hunt we were on. We were in this really fancy garden shop and I checked on my snakes in my bag and they kept running away and I would have to call them back. As we looked more in the shop, my snakes died. I was able to bring them back to life but I realized it was an evil place.

I left the shop, but for some reason didn't take my sister with me. I was sitting on the ground and my snakes ran away again. I would call them back and they would start to come back and then run away again. I suddenly remembered my sister (who doesn't believe in any of this which was why I apparently left her in the shop, I figured if she didn't believe any of it, she couldn't get into trouble) and decided to go get her. I was worried about my snakes.

Suddenly, a small black snake came flying at me. I tried to dodge it, but it ran right into my arm and the word "hate" flashed across it. I went to go tell N. (our senior druid who was apparently functioning as our troupe leader in this dream) who was hanging out with some henna guys (one who had a horse tail) because I was starting to feel weird. She casually picked it out of my arm with her fingernail and it hurt and it was slimy. She was like, oh that's a tiny demon. Stop touching things here and hanging out places you shouldn't be.

My sister came flying out of the shop, all excited she found a huge black snake. I yelled to her to put it down, but it was too late, it jumped into her back. N. was like, uhhhhhhh I can't just pick this one out with my fingernail. My sister was like, whatever, I don't believe in any of this anyway, but in a tolerant sort of way as she usually is. She laid down on the henna table gamely for N. to look at it. The black ink from the snake started forming child like drawings to try to irritate N. At first, N. just laughed and was like, whatever demon, I'm going to get you! I'm going to cut you out of her skin! And my sister starts freaking out, not so much in a omg don't cut my skin sort of way, but more in oh shit there's something really wrong here sort of way. Finally the demon started started showing N. pictures that were upsetting and painful to her (one was a childish and mean depiction of the Twin Towers on 9/11), so she started to really try to get at it, but it kept dodging her. My sister is totally freaking and I'm holding her head in my lap protectively and I keep saying, don't look, don't look, it will all be over soon, I promise.

Her older sister (. . .N. is an only child, and given that her older sister was Indian and who N. works with, I'm going to take a shot in the dark here and say that her older sister in the dream was Kali Ma) is laughing at N. and mocking her . . .not meanly per se, more in an older sister sort of way that this is too big for her and N should just let her take care of it. And N was like, nooooooo, why don't you help me here instead of being a bitch (essentially)? So she gets v. serious and told N. what to do and N. start chanting v. gutterly and her form changes to be sort of demon like and I could see she was going to get the demon out of my sister and I tell my sister to close her eyes and not to look. And there's like a flash of starry lights and I have my sister's hand super tight and I jump under the table (still holding her hand) and keep my eyes closed but there's all blinding starry lights. When I open my eyes in the dream, the demon is gone.

Again . . .I . . .don't know. I appreciated those of you who took a stab at it though last time, feel free to try again!

Tell me a secret! Tell me a not-secret! Whisper sweet somethings in my comment box. Express your maddest crush or deepest curiosity! Expound upon the fabulousness of your friends or lovers or would-be friends or lovers! Or people you know or want to know. Do it anonymously or with your name attached; anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off.

You know you wanna.

(Play nice!)

1. Spirituality:

* still malaing every night, even when I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally don't want to. It's showing that somewhere, hidden inside me, there's discipline. Mala'ing is supposed to be like something you can swipe as an ATM card. My account with Durga is massively overdrawn because I owe her malas like whoa since she brought Bob back in one piece when he went to war. So all my oms to her go to that. I prolly have like $12.23 in the Shiva account now.

* Ran Amazon rit even though I was tired like whoa, but it really worked and helped us all. I've been feeling pretty awesome since then, burned off what I need to burn and I now have long pretty strands of pink ribbons with Power*full words on my Diana altar. Raised $75 for RAINN


2. Get in better shape

* ummmmmmmmmmmmm.

* Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

* I treadmilled on Sat? I'm trying not to eat like an asshole. When I'm not ill, I will start training for distance.


3. Writing

* I've been thinking a lot about the two stories I'm revising. I don't often allow myself the luxury to think with writing and um I totally need to. I need there in both stories to be power *exchange*, a give and take. I'm considering how to do that.

* Busting ass on the website. Two months = $100 which isn't bad I don't think.

* Pimped PG


4. Crafting

* Sewing a Kali dolly. Figured out costs to become more eco-friendly with the dollies. Figured out what I want to do to relaunch.

* Have been spinning yarn. Am starting to get better at it.


5. Other

* Seeing Ani tonight, apparently. I have a short list of people I want to see perform at this point that I haven't seen. Decemberists would be the other group I really want to see.

* Have not yet killed pointsetta at work

* Put together the balance ball chair at work on my own. Have been using it faithfully even when I'd rather be slumped over in my old chair.

* Have managed to not yet lose tummy piercing

* Have been working on the party girl/responsible adult balance

* Found my awesome and ated it!

Everyone on my flist seems to be dreaming a lot lately. I'm dreaming a lot too.

I had a strange dream in which I was in a town in NJ that was done like a renfaire and I was in a long dress with flowers in my hair and I was the embodiment of a rabbit eared goddess. There were a few others dressed similiarly (I think we were all women). It was my job to run ahead and determine the course for the rest of the goddesses and to pull them to where they needed to go. It was supposed to be play acting for some kind of weird town festival, but it became real, we all became the goddesses we were supposed to be play acting. And then it became just . . .normal again and I just cried and cried and couldn't find my way to where I was supposed to go and I felt tired and empty.

I . . .don't know.