Which is more ethical and why:

* Fucking around on okc, fb, lj, etc. at work

* Watching Hulu or something like it at work

You used to get it in your fishnets
Now you only get it in your night dress
Started all the naughty nights with niceness
Landed in a very common crisis
Everything's in order in a black hole
Everything was pretty in the past though
That Bloody Mary's lacking in tabasco
Remember when he used to be a rascal?
- Artic Monkeys, Florescent Adolescents

Thank goddess I'm going to qxt's next month. I refuse to be a statistic! Viva la Cafe Disco!

LoudTwitter seems to be down. If you would like to see my tweets from the last few days go here.

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• I feel like we've been doing pretty good at being here with poly: bit.ly/Qvt7k #
• James and I have this on going dialogue during the day about Fat Squirrel who occasionally comes and visits my work window on the roof. #
• Fat squirrel does a lot of things to impress the ladies, like jog on the fence sideways. We suspect the ladies like it. #
• Today: "Allegedly fat squirrel may have come in last night to sample some of the tofurkey cranberry and stuffing cold cuts. #
• While he thought they were nom, he only had a couple and neatly wrapped yours and is purchasing his own today" #
• So JohnM has been teasing me because I have this new shiny cellphone with all the fancy bells and whistles (free with my two year upgrade) #
• and it's all digital and faux iphoneish. It's been sitting on the kitchen window charging for a really long time. #
• I have not yet changed my crappy old pink razr over to it yet. I've been meaning to go to the store to get the address book changed over. #
• JohnM is like, it's like the one thing you can't handle. Divorce, check. Mortgage, check. Working, check. Paying bills, check. #
• Cellphone change over = far too much. So I had to jump through some hoops to not get charged for it, which will hopefully go through. #
• I'm changing it over today at the store. #
• Tonight April comes over and we watch Twilight with the Rifftrax which should be fun. #
• I've been anxious about my pill refills, but today I neatly calendared when they're all due #
• & figured out the process (since it's through drug comps). It was a pain in the ass, but buracracy is the price to pay being insuranceless. #
• Yesterday I went to PP to get my ring refilled so I can continue to be babyfree. My liquid pap is next month. #
• While it's a pain in the ass dealing with PP, I really strongly believe in their mission statement and what they do #
• and I went there even with insur, which I would continue to do so for the level of edu that they give to their patients. #
• Also, I'm a sexual minority (bi/poly) and it's their job not to give me a lot of sass, assuming I'm responsible which I've always been. #
• But OMG what a hassle it is to refill my bc rx. So Jow rewards me with sushi. It makes it so it's not such a pain. #
• I tend to be sort of feast or famine in my consumer habits. I'm trying to learn to be moderate which I'm not good at in general. #
• I bought the dress in my fb pic for $30 and I was all zomg I shouldn't blahblah, but I wear it *so* much and it looks fab on me. #
• I need to let myself buy *a* new top or dress maybe monthlyish. Also if my money stays as is, I can get rx sunglasses, yay! #
• Not that I need them for my SeattleLondonArkBuildingExpedition. #

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Everyone who asked to be added to a filter(s) has been added, I'm going to do a test entry in both filters, please let me know if you can't see them.

So for those of you who are new, I have two opt in filters (I usually use public and friends locked entries for the most part). Pagan and tmi. If you want to be on either, let me know!

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• Today finds me restless and displeased with everything. I suspect due to it being my father's birthday so close after father's day. #
• Also, my uterus is trying to turn itself inside out as a party trick. I am not amused. #
• But, sushi tonight. #
• My body is also in a state of rebellion due to being back on WW for reals. But on Sat I rode my old bike! It was awesome. #
• I was wobbly, but it felt great having the wind in my hair. It reminded me why I liked to ride. Jow never learned to ride a bike. #
• I was like, but! That's where all your cool scars come from! And how you escape your parents! And go places you're not supposed to go! #
• People have been kind enough to let me organize bits of their lives - lj comms, resumes, wardrobes. It helps keep me centered. #
• I realized my diet mostly fell apart at night where I viewed everything as a free for all. Now I eat home a lot more which helps like whoa. #
• And I decide my snacks for the week based on my points for the day and how many points I usually need for dinner. #
• I am finding Creme Saver Cinnamon Rolls surprisingly satisfying. Also All Bran Strawberry cereal with dried strawberries in it. #
• I put some mini choc chips in the cereal - it helped w/ the menstrual fueled desire to eat the world. As does 1 dark choc seahorse #
• I will be walking today and every day for the rest of the week which should help too. #

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• The boys were v. cute last night. Jow got James a fogless mirror and James got Jow a tiny lingam. It was neat because it was unplanned. #
• James brought me a rose quartz yoni and handmade goddess bead. <3 #
• The new fairyland chapter is up: www.catherynnemvalente.com/fairyland/chapter02 #

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Drop a comment if you're interested!

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• Tonight = Melting Pot. We were going to go to rats but omg weather. #
• Said OMG weather is likely to continue on Sat. We may need a plan B, Lisa & JohhM. #
• So Jow and I are recreating one of our favorite dates - b&n for chai, mall for purse licking, and then dinner (only fancy!) #
• Coincidentially, Melting Pot is having an anniversary special. Nom! #
• Speaking of omg weather, april and I were supposed to hot tub tomorrow. I'm guessing not most likely, we will work on our ark instead. #
• Jow and I will be "staycation"ing while James is at sleepaway camp at the 4th. I'm not sure what we'll do yet. Cook. Blanket fort. #
• Tula's was v. nice for dinner with James last night. He seemed to enjoy it. My crab cake was nom! I liked the polenta fries. #
• I'm having polenta day dreams. #
• and I want to recreate James' dish for him. #
• It was weird being in my house last night. 2.5 more days! #
• 20 minutes left of work . . .to work or to mess around on the lazywebs? #
• I keep trying to get into bjork but she never sticks. #
• We have a reservation for the main hotel for floating worlds. tres exciting! I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of people I know! #
• And taking omg amounts of workshops. #
• And getting all decked out. #
• I like vibrato voices a lot. My brightest diamond is starting to stick. I love the cover to Joanna by rasputina and the new 3rd chair guy. #
• I got all excited and hyper and now the pms/weather fatigue takes over again. #
• or you know that fibromyalgia thing. Or c. all or none of the above! #
• I secretly want to see year one but i'm going to wait for the dvd for it. #
• When bitching about my weight recently, my sister smartly said to me, omfg! Your weight is, like, your only problem. @ least you're happy! #
• It's sort of true. Well that and the fibro and my lack of craploads of cash. #
• I try not to be affected by the media culture but there is this whole, ZOMG FAT GIRLS!!!! YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AND WILL LIKELY DIE #
• FROM BEING SOMEWHAT OVERWEIGHT!!! syndicated.livejournal.com/feministing/1912908.html #
• I think I just need to see more fashion pictures of cute fat chicks being cute: frocksandfroufrou.blogspot.com/ #
• no walkies for maxthedog today. He will have to work on ark construction instead. #

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"In one way or another I've always suffered. I didn't know why exactly. But I do know that I'm not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I've ever felt and I've found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him." - Leigh, Secretary

Two years ago today This happened.

Happy anniversary, darling. More than a sea of stars.

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• Mortgage drama (long boring story short, the mortgage co is all, the downpayment we originally discussed? #
• Not necessarily going to get you the mortgage. 20% down however will. 20% down = only $100 less a month in payments. #
• I'm having them run the original #'s on the 1st as mortgage guy said there's still a good chance of things working out, just not guaranteed #
• If it doesn't work then they can bite me and I'll see what kind of incentives are present for next year.) #
• Three more days house sitting. I am longing for the things previously listed in my missing list. #
• Today is James' birthday! #
• I am taking him to www.tulalounge.com/ to celebrate. #
• He came over for dinner last night. #
• Steak and a little pancetta and a little bit of port in a sweet marinara sauce is yummy. #
• I started treadmilling again yesterday. #
• Things missing while house sitting: much less fruits and veggies (went grocery shopping to fill it in some), chai (ditto), etc. #

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• So, it took a few days, but I am now officially homesick and over housesitting for my mom. #
• I lived in the townhouse in college and my room has been an office for quite some time. #
• So it's this weird, obv this place is familiar bc I visit my mom but it's weird staying in my sister's room, mom's kitchen has some things #
• but not everything I'm used to. I feel bloated due to period issues and also unfamiliar eating habits despite bringing food. #
• I feel like I'm constantly doing Something Wrong just by virtue of being there when she's not there. #
• I miss my bed, my cats, my space, my tivo, having structured down time, having a familiar structured schedule, etc. Four more days to go. #
• Things are coming along though, my consolidated credit cards finally got completely finalized and my payments reduced, I got a new computer #
• at work with sound, so there's pandora. Divorce is final. #
• Friends over on fri was good, they were v. boisterious, Sat was grounds for sculpture with april. I really dug it, it was v. fae feeling. #
• Now I would just like to know if I'm moving or not. Hopefully will have that set in the next two weeks. Commute to work would be omg short. #
• I feel sort of anxious and melancholy today, not sure why to be honest. #
• No plans on Sat which is really weird. Jow works during the day, James will be @ sleepaway camp, April is house sitting for us. #
• I think just taking some down time would be a good idea, maybe I'll go to Mom's pool. #
• Well twitter is v. effective. I am now going to the beach with Lisa, Wes, and JohnM on Sat. #
• Dinner with Jow's mom last night went well. We went to Sol, the new mexican restaurant near my mom's. I got a pink margarita! #

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Comm found here: onaleopard

And you need to read the story so far, it's made of awesome.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making is now live!



Click here for Palimpsest author Catherynne M. Valente's explanation of this free companion online novel.

Not enough?

Join the Fairyland Facebook Group and don't forget about joining the sister LJ community supporting Cat, adoptingcat.

Today's adventure with April at Grounds for Sculpture

Oh and tonight will be cocktails and sex in the city with a few people close to me.

Today finds me. . . .strangely contemplative. I wasn't sure how I would be, there had been worry from those close to me that I would crumble at the edges again. I left myself open to experience feeling whatever I needed to feel. . .and it's run through a few feelings.

Wednesday/Thursday I had felt on the edge of weepiness and was all around cranky. Today was . . .anxious then sad and then like someone lifted a ton of bricks off me and now I feel tired.

I am now officially divorced. On one hand I honestly feel (strangely) fine. On the other, sort of fraigle in some way.

My sister took me to brunch (ahi tuna and a bloody mary) and was nice to me the way only a little sister could be. She and my mom accompanied me to court. A few people have been kind to check in on me/offer me hugs which is appreciated.

I think maybe people aren't sure what to say here . . .for some people, it's all omg! let's party! I'm divorced! Whooooooooooooooo! And for some people it's, omfg, I'm divorced and my life is over. And . . .neither is true. Someone said to me today, "I'm sorry/congratulations?" And it is a little of column A and a little of column B.

People are being v. protective of me today which is sweet.

I feel . . .like I need to do a little inventory of my process, for my own benefit while I'm reflecting:

1. Read as a featured author at the Erotica Salon

2. Am looking into reinvisioning SalonCon, taking out all the parts we hate.

3. Submitted my first novella.

4. Have been paying all my bills myself.

5. Consolidated my credit cards.

6. Have not charged anything since October.

7. Have kept my apartment.

8. Am starting a 401K shortly.

9. Have started crafting for cash again.

10. Started adoptingcat

11. Am now working as said Cat's (yuki_onna) assistant who much like my current boss, patiently deals with my bossiness.

12. Celebrated five years with James, am celebrating two years with Jow next week. L. has not yet kicked me to the curb either. ;)

13. May very well be a homeowner in the next two months. (Wow. Homeowner. So unfamiliar on the tongue)

14. Have been with my current job for three years, took on more hours to be self supporting.

15. Obtained all of my monthly medication for myself.

16. Got my car fixed . . .numerous times.

17. Managed all of the first year's major holidays.

18. Going on a cruise at the end of September (that I paid for myself!).

19. Had a kick ass 30th birthday that was everything I had hoped it would be.

20. Have been keeping up with my doctor's appointments.

21. Have learned to scale back a lot on my material stuff.

22. Have learned to really appreciate what I do have, instead of wanting more more more for my hungry ghosts.

23. Have been to GoG post seperation. Plan to continue to do so.

24. Better altars and closer relationships with my gods.

25. Better connection to the magical world.

26. Working on have a better relationship with my body (still a work in progress).

27. Have spent more time with my loved ones.

28. Have told my loved ones that I love/care about them more.

29. Have done a lot of soul searching as to what I needed to improve in. I've become less angry, less stressed, quicker to apologize, more aware of my flaws and how to deal with them.

30. I have tried to live more in grace. And to have faith that I can figure anything out and I am a capable person.

I'm not too into lj hugs, but if you have something nice to say to or about me, rock out.

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• Today is much better than yesterday, strangely. Yesterday was just not a good day. #
• Honestly, temporarily upping my xanax is making a *huge* difference. #
• My tarot for today for those who are interested in that sort of thing: tiny.cc/5MNTx #
• I'm so over all of this rain. #
• On Tues, Jow and I went to New Hope to have dinner @ Wildflowers with Jason Miller and to go to his lecture on financial/money magic. #
• It was really helpful, I liked the distinction he made between needing fast money and needing financial magic. #
• We seem to be doing okay with the fin magic, a 401K and pension plan mysteriously appeared for each of us. #
• I was thinking about asking St. Expedite for help with quick $$ as he's a popular guy with pagans and catholics alike. . . #
• But the crows outside my window wouldn't shut up and I was thinking, are Crows associated with $$$? Well . . .tiny.cc/aSItw #
• So, okay. I'll ask Crow too. #
• I have also been thinking a lot about making a wealth altar, which Jow has zealously clearly a bookshelf to house. #
• He didn't want to upset his new friend $, he said. (J. also spoke about how working class ppl look down on $ which inhibits the flow of it) #
• I feel strangely funny about asking for quick money. Long term studious money, okay. 401K, etc. hooray, thanks. #
• But I'm like, I'ma need paint, possibly carpeting/flooring, and omg container store. Halp? #
• That feels frivolous, that feels v. omg you asshole, there are starving children in africa, eat all your food. #

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There have been a few people on my f-list who have said they're low on food. American society is really fucked up in that I wonder, would it offend [x person] if I offered to make a small donation or drop something off with them?

We worry about offending people we know and probably care about by offering to feed them so they won't starve. How fucked up is that?

I am asking all of you, gentle readers, if your situation is dire, please don't beat around the bush. Ask for help. People might be able to help you in ways you couldn't think of on your own. We're supposed to be a community. Maybe we're not all bffs, but we should help each other when we start to fall down.

Because honestly, what kind of fucked up person is like, omg! I gave x money/thing/food to x person on my f-list. Isn't that pathetic?

We're all struggling right now. But we don't know how badly others are struggling all the time if no one says so.

Pride doesn't put food in one's mouth or pay electric bills. It's a gift to give and it's a gift to receive and I promise you, we'll all have our turns doing both.