Today finds me. . . .strangely contemplative. I wasn't sure how I would be, there had been worry from those close to me that I would crumble at the edges again. I left myself open to experience feeling whatever I needed to feel. . .and it's run through a few feelings.
Wednesday/Thursday I had felt on the edge of weepiness and was all around cranky. Today was . . .anxious then sad and then like someone lifted a ton of bricks off me and now I feel tired.
I am now officially divorced. On one hand I honestly feel (strangely) fine. On the other, sort of fraigle in some way.
My sister took me to brunch (ahi tuna and a bloody mary) and was nice to me the way only a little sister could be. She and my mom accompanied me to court. A few people have been kind to check in on me/offer me hugs which is appreciated.
I think maybe people aren't sure what to say here . . .for some people, it's all omg! let's party! I'm divorced! Whooooooooooooooo! And for some people it's, omfg, I'm divorced and my life is over. And . . .neither is true. Someone said to me today, "I'm sorry/congratulations?" And it is a little of column A and a little of column B.
People are being v. protective of me today which is sweet.
I feel . . .like I need to do a little inventory of my process, for my own benefit while I'm reflecting:
1. Read as a featured author at the Erotica Salon
2. Am looking into reinvisioning SalonCon, taking out all the parts we hate.
3. Submitted my first novella.
4. Have been paying all my bills myself.
5. Consolidated my credit cards.
6. Have not charged anything since October.
7. Have kept my apartment.
8. Am starting a 401K shortly.
9. Have started crafting for cash again.
10. Started
adoptingcat11. Am now working as said Cat's (
yuki_onna) assistant who much like my current boss, patiently deals with my bossiness.
12. Celebrated five years with James, am celebrating two years with Jow next week. L. has not yet kicked me to the curb either. ;)
13. May very well be a homeowner in the next two months. (Wow. Homeowner. So unfamiliar on the tongue)
14. Have been with my current job for three years, took on more hours to be self supporting.
15. Obtained all of my monthly medication for myself.
16. Got my car fixed . . .numerous times.
17. Managed all of the first year's major holidays.
18. Going on a cruise at the end of September (that I paid for myself!).
19. Had a kick ass 30th birthday that was everything I had hoped it would be.
20. Have been keeping up with my doctor's appointments.
21. Have learned to scale back a lot on my material stuff.
22. Have learned to really appreciate what I do have, instead of wanting more more more for my hungry ghosts.
23. Have been to GoG post seperation. Plan to continue to do so.
24. Better altars and closer relationships with my gods.
25. Better connection to the magical world.
26. Working on have a better relationship with my body (still a work in progress).
27. Have spent more time with my loved ones.
28. Have told my loved ones that I love/care about them more.
29. Have done a lot of soul searching as to what I needed to improve in. I've become less angry, less stressed, quicker to apologize, more aware of my flaws and how to deal with them.
30. I have tried to live more in grace. And to have faith that I can figure anything out and I am a capable person.
I'm not too into lj hugs, but if you have something nice to say to or about me, rock out.